Many executives have ineffectual LinkedIn profiles — if they have one at all. That’s because they think they don’t need one at this stage of their career. “I’m not job hunting — why should I bother?”

That’s because LinkedIn isn’t just for job hunting.

The Search is On…

A LinkedIn profile can serve as a power base for an executive’s entire professional life. Given LinkedIn’s high SEO rank, it’s one of the first links people see when they Google an executive’s name. Add to that the many background searches conducted on LinkedIn itself. Those researchers may include journalists, recruiters, potential clients and investors. With all the concern about personal reputations and misinformation online, executives should absolutely create and control their LinkedIn profiles to deliver an authoritative first impression.

The Way to Grow…

We’re all tired of hearing it: yes, we live in a global economy. Yes, borders have evaporated. And, yes, international trade offers a wealth of opportunities — if we have the right connections in the right places. So who can we turn to for help setting up an office, hiring competent and trustworthy native managers, overcoming bureaucratic red tape, or simply making reservations at an appropriate restaurant? An executive’s company may not be thinking expansion now, but when the time comes, she needs relationships with far-flung connections that can be found and developed on LinkedIn.

Marketing for Extracurricular Ambitions…

Even if an executive is at the top of her game, she might harbor other ambitions, such as writing a book, appearing on TV as an expert, or running for political office. While some executives are well known outside their companies, most need a marketing boost to support these other pursuits. That’s why we need to network before we need a publisher, an entertainment attorney, a campaign manager or other key connection. An executive should also use LinkedIn to promote her expertise and what makes her different (and more interesting) than the millions of other executives around the world.

Because You Never Know…

One thing we’ve learned in this economy is that there’s no such thing as a secure job. Even at companies “too big to fail,” upper management and their teams are often replaced. An executive may claim she has nothing to worry about, but at some point she may be tempted to sell her company — or the company’s success attracts a takeover. On a brighter, more poetic side, the executive may want a complete change of pace or career, or move to another city for the lifestyle or a relationship. To facilitate these changes, it’s again valuable to network before it’s needed. It’s too late to say, “Now who do I know here?” after the big move.

Those are just a few of the reasons an executive — or an aspiring one — needs to have a rich and strategic LinkedIn profile. (And, no, I don’t work for LinkedIn, nor do I own its stock.)

Finally, here’s my LinkedIn profile in case you’re wondering:

OK, we get it already: we humans are social animals, and without positive social interaction, we become Unabombers or maladjusted billionaires in David Fincher films (beware of alienated Harvard men).

So while the people also need green energy and affordable healthcare and donuts that don’t make ‘em look like the Michelin Men, those are all so much harder to deliver. Helping people socialize — well, that’s easy, right?

With that in mind, America’s collective industrialists, venture capitalists, and mad scientists have invested billions of dollars and manpower hours into building “social networks.” Since these businesses exist to share information, it’s no surprise that the hype surrounding social networks surpasses the hype concerning other human needs like, say, indoor plumbing.

The question: if socializing is all the rage and it’s so easy, why do so many of these social endeavors fail?

For every Facebook or Groupon, there are hundreds of similar ventures that go straight into the deadpool. It’s one thing for a word-of-mouth-driven venture to fail because it’s badly done; it’s another for a word-of-mouth-driven venture to fail simply because no one ever heard of it. A social venture that fails to go social is like a marriage counselor who can’t maintain a relationship.

On a more micro-level, most individual and corporate Twitter accounts, Facebook pages, LinkedIn groups and other social expressions struggle to attract fans/followers/friends. You can hear the laments: “Wait, this wasn’t supposed to happen! The Word Of Mouth Marketing Association told us that ‘word of mouth’ is better than advertising! So we’re wording; why isn’t anyone listening?”

Answer: because you broke the law. Metcalfe’s Law, that is.

In brief, your social medium failed to attract people because, well, it didn’t have people in it.

Robert Metcalfe, who co-invented Ethernet, stated that the value of a network is proportional to its number of users. Pretty straightforward, right? (If you want to get into the math behind Metcalfe’s Law — and the pointless debate about its accuracy — read Metcalfe’s wry post here.)

Metcalfe’s Law was originally created to describe the “network effect” of telecommunications. The classic example is a telephone: If there’s only one phone in the world, it’s useful only as a paperweight. If there are two phones, well now we’re talking (literally). And if there are millions of phones, then we’ve got a network that’s valuable and attractive to others.

Metcalfe’s Law was then applied to social media. If you have a social network with only one member, it’s about as useful as non-alcoholic beer. With millions of members, you attract more users, investors and salivating word-of-mouth gurus.

Of course, it also works in reverse: if your social network begins to lose members, then its value in the eyes of the remaining users declines, and they in turn think of leaving. (It’s called “pulling a MySpace.”)

So you see the dilemma here: If the value of a social network depends on its number of people, how do you get those people in the first place? Some tips…

1. Man Up: It amazes me how many people and corporations start a social network (page, group, etc.) but don’t use it themselves. What does that tell visitors?

I once checked out a just-launched virtual sports bar that had some great animations but was completely deserted. At the least, I expected a staff of fun, engaging sports junkies to keep the conversation going. But it was about as well attended as the sausage stand at a vegan conference. Naturally, the entire venture eventually failed.

On a micro level, I’m stunned by corporate Facebook pages and LinkedIn groups that are barely managed or even abandoned. These social networks rarely manage themselves (at least, not in the way you’d want them to). So if you start something social, have your employees — or at least some hired guns — get it going and keep it going.

2. Target Groups: It’s too much effort targeting potential users one at a time. It’s also very expensive trying to target everyone in the world. So to get your party started, target some relevant groups (a company, a club, a college). Remember that Facebook started with Harvard College only, which provided a pretty solid base before the network went global. The more social-media savvy your target group, of course, the better.

3. Target Influencers: Nightclub promoters have long known that the key to drawing an enthusiastic crowd is to pay celebrities to show up. Today, if you read the trending topics on Twitter, you’ll notice that they’re increasingly focused on pop culture. That’s because the various actors and athletes on Twitter have drawn in their fans, who are far different from the techie/marketing types who first populated the network.

So while targeting users one at a time is inefficient, you should identify those individuals who command a desirable fanbase, then entice those individuals to join you. Consider all the YouTube-wannabe companies that are struggling, while FunnyorDie.com continues to grow because of the participation of co-founder Will Ferrell and his Hollywood friends.

4. Give it a Wow Factor: What makes your social medium so exciting — not “interesting,” but outright capable of eliciting heart-palpitations and momentary breathlessness? What’s that? You’re offering deals of up to 50% off on some products and services? Really?

C’mon, who isn’t?

At this point, NOT offering a deal on your website is remarkable. So you need to offer an unbelievable deal on a product that everyone craves (not just needs, like toothpaste, but desires, such as an iPad made out of chocolate).

Whether deals or videos or posts by former late-night talkshow hosts, you need content that generates headlines. Or at least a few tweets.

5. Make It Easy: I was recently invited to join a CEO social networking site. They offered me a discount on the membership fee, but it wasn’t the price that deterred me. It was the thought of having to build yet another profile page where I’d have to once again invite friends and post updates. I also noted that these CEO’s were already on LinkedIn, where I’ve been developing my profile and managing my network for years. I’m social networked out — and I’m not the only one. So if you want to launch a new social network for profit, consider starting a free LinkedIn group then charging for your live events.

6. Advertise It: This is bound to give the Word-of-Mouth Marketing Association conniptions. But here’s the cold hard reality: in a frenetically competitive world, with thousands of media options, endless distractions, and extensive “rather do” lists (as in, “I’m supposed to do the dishes, but I’d rather organize my iTunes collection”), you can’t just sit quietly and hope people will notice you. Or care. Rather, you need to stand up and stand out: proclaim your existence along with strong reasons why anyone should care that you exist. And that doesn’t mean blogging about it.

Don’t just push — shove.

But what about all the hype that word-of-mouth is rendering advertising obsolete? That’s just the ranting of people who want to appear too hip for business as usual. Trusting in word-of-mouth alone to promote your business is like relying on gossip alone to score a job or a spouse. Yes, there are anecdotal examples of social ventures that grew organically like some online field of dreams— “we just built it and they came.” I’m sure you can also find examples of people who received job offers without ever sending out a resume. But most people and most corporations need to invest time, effort and money into making something happen, not just lip service.

One final note: it’s not just the number of members of a network, it’s also the quality of those members, the quality of the relationships, and the quality of the interactions.

You can have thousands of members, but if they rarely post or — worse — post spam, the network is worthless. So Metcalfe’s Law goes beyond just initial compliance. Like any good law, it requires continuous enforcement.

Kinda makes providing jobs, healthcare and nutritious donuts sound easy, right?

Deliverable (n.): Report or item that must be completed and delivered under the terms of an agreement or contract. — BusinessDictionary.com

As wise men, they of course knew to come bearing deliverables.

Even though the United States has an increasingly service-based economy (meaning, “sorry, we don’t make things anymore”), clients still want products they can hold. They request the fruits of our education and experience, which we obligingly divulge in their offices or over drinks, yet all that mad science ain’t worth jack if they can’t touch it.

And it’s not because they’re tactilely fixated…

Here in post-industrial America, every other adult is a self-proclaimed consultant, coach, manager, agent, producer, director, strategist, facilitator, intermediary, advisor or (thanks to social media) guru. Some have MBA’s and JD’s, others fancy offices and $2000 suits, so what distinguishes the true experts from geeks bearing grifts?

You guessed it: deliverables. Pretenders chatter; experts deliver the goods.

In most cases, that means some kind of report – and not just an email filled with “action items.” To warrant our fees, we consultants regularly employ all the term-paper tools we thought we had left behind in grad school:

• primary and secondary research all properly referenced with client-satiating footnotes and bibliographies
• charts and tables and graphs
• all the accoutrements: cover sheet, table of contents, executive summary
• concrete, step-by-step recommendations
• more charts and tables and graphs
• a big juicy appendix filled with as much dirt on the client’s competitors as possible
• did I mention charts and tables and graphs?
• and a detailed timetable of actions and yet more deliverables

Ideally, this report should encompass all components of Microsoft Office: a Word doc, Excel spreadsheets, and a PowerPoint. But ultimately, what convinces clients that their dollar was well spent is a blood sacrifice – more exactly, a sap sacrifice: a tree must be killed, and a final report delivered on dead wood. That report may never get fully read, and it may spend eternity entombed in a steel cabinet, but at least they had the opportunity to feel it.

Now I say this mockingly, but in all seriousness, keeping clients happy – and compelling them to come back for more – involves going beyond mere advice. So in addition to reports, I often throw in creative content, such as a press release, fresh copy for their website, or a small Facebook ad campaign.

Why go to such lengths?

Since anyone with a Twitter account can (and does) call himself a “marketing expert,” I need to provide something that makes the pretenders blanch in horror: actual work.

Now “deliverable” isn’t the only verbal atrocity perpetrated by us business droids. We also turned the nouns “leverage” and “interface” into verbs, and the verbs “reveal” and “buy in” into nouns, for which we’re doomed to spend the afterlife with nothing to read but IRS manuals and academic business journals (the horror, the horror). The key point: all consultants use such jargon; the ones who earn their keep can turn those words into actions.

Or at least a nice stack of dead wood.

***

This article previously appeared in The Antidote, the official management blog of Antioch University Los Angeles.

Now playing in 3D (no glasses required): a scene from City Garage Theatre's "Paradise Park"

I have this bizarre communication disorder. Every time I ask someone, “Would you like to see a play?” they hear, “How’d you like a root canal?” or “Let’s watch sausage being made!”

That wouldn’t matter if I cared as little about theatre as I do about pro-wrestling or reality shows set in New Jersey. But I sit on the Board of City Garage Theatre, a small avant-garde company that’s won multiple awards and rave reviews here in L.A. And that means I’m trying to sell theatre tickets to people who’d rather wait in line to see “Green Hornet” in 3D.

How could I get jaded, oversaturated media junkies to come see the original 3D entertainment, where live actors bring carefully crafted characters and dialogue to life in intimate settings?

Enter the Expert, Stage Left

Although I teach and practice marketing, I decided to ask an expert who speaks the language. So I contacted my friend Kori Rodley Irons, a nonprofit-management consultant with a background in theatre.

Kori’s first piece of advice: break that audience down.

“The target market in today’s theatre-going world is elusive. It can be hard to predict who will fill the seats — that might be different for each show. Different shows have the potential to be marketed to specific audiences. While there may be core theatre goers or supporters, there are also those who pick and choose or who will be moved by a particular topic/subject/etc.”

In other words, rather than try to find mythical “theatre lovers,” I should be marketing political satires to politics junkies, absurdist and surreal plays to artists and hipsters, and classic theatre to drama and English teachers. Got it. Now how should I structure the messages to those audiences?

Think Layers and Stories

According to Kori, “Performing arts marketing is best done in layers, and there is a certain amount of timing that comes into play. If you have an unlimited budget, you can market for months, but most companies don’t. Initial marketing via web, a season brochure, blogs, etc., stirs up interest; strategically releasing information about director choice and casting, and looking for special human interest angles, are all good ways to generate a little early buzz. As you know, tell STORIES.”

And that’s something I’d been missing: the storytelling had to begin before the curtains opened. Of course, living in L.A., I should have known that: movie fans voraciously devour backstories and behind-the-scenes exclusives. The dramatic arts should be treated just the same. The traditional stilted approach to promoting the arts only makes the arts seem more stilted.

Kori then suggested specific tactics: “When tickets go on sale, send out postcards and posters. Yes, posters STILL work in the theatre world — people STILL check out bulletin boards at coffee shops to see what is going on, especially those outside restrooms.” Restroom-adjacent bulletin boards were definitely a medium I had overlooked.

Hitting Up the Influencers

She also recommended special deals and rates for target groups. “Consider comping (offering free tickets) to influential people, and I don’t mean the mayor — really people who are natural leaders or connected to groups, organizations, companies, etc., to help spread the word. You can actually do a lot of this via email now: target the connectors.”

“The real blitz should probably be the final two-three weeks leading up to the show. Consider all the old standbys (radio/TV/print) and then some by strategically layering the marketing so people think they are seeing and hearing about it everywhere, when that may not be the case. Strive to front load the run of the show by getting as many people as possible into the first few shows — that way they’ll go out into the world and tell everyone how fabulous the show is.”

Assuming the show is fabulous, of course. This led me to asking her about critical reviews, which had not delivered audiences as well as I had expected. Kori’s response: “Critical reviews are great, but so are saucy, trendy and controversial ones…”

Saucy, trendy and controversial? Hmm, maybe I should be watching those reality shows set in New Jersey. I just might learn something..

***

This article previously appeared in The Antidote.

Related Article: Stage vs Screen: Time to Swap Bodies?

But first, this intro by Freddy J. Nager: Usually, this blog consists of my outbursts on marketing and media. But during one of my misadventures in Silicon Valley, I met Raegan Thurlow, a talented young writer with an attitude. Here’s how she describes herself…

Me: I have some fashion articles under my belt, some belts in my closet, some daddy issues, the mother of all credit card bills, and a desire to keep it real, regardless of the fallout. My Dream Life: Ripping on fashion trends for a living while receiving a ridiculously large paycheck. My Real Life: Interweb ad sales management with some fashion writing on the side.

How could I not invite her to vent in my blog? So every few weeks here at Atomic Tango, Raegan will spotlight and expose the intersection (some say “collision”) of fashion and business, and this is the first of hopefully many “Fashion Real” posts to come…

illustration by Mark Armstrong (www.MarkArmstrongIllustration.com)

If you’ve sold Kool-Aid at a lemonade stand in the not too distant past (the pre-30 crowd)…

When you hear “business casual”, do you think jeans and a polo? Or are you reaching for basketball shorts and a hoodie at 9:00 Friday morning? Some employees choose to express their discontent by complaining while others take 2-hour lunch breaks (during which time their phones are mysteriously out of cell range). Others still take casual Friday to the next level – a level that belongs nowhere near the corporate world.

My good friend is what is referred to as a “Millennial.” He’s 28 and doesn’t take crap from anybody. While working at a particularly heinous job offering loans at a ridiculously inflated interest rate to poor schmucks trying to start their own businesses, he decided that simply muttering “this is bullshit” at his desk wasn’t really grabbing anyone’s attention the way he’d hoped. That’s when he came up with “just rolled out of bed Friday.” Had it been winter, he may very well have worn a robe into the office. As it was summer, his basketball shorts, wife beater, and hoodie had to suffice. This is not a good look – when you’re at the office, when you’re near an office, when you’re sitting on your couch watching “The Office”… it’s just not a good look. But it is a great way to get out of a job that is sucking the life and fashion sense out of you. Well played!

We get it, okay. You’re young, you consider yourself to be smarter than anyone in the office with “VP” in their title, and you barely make enough money to afford a root beer with lunch. You’re feisty, you’re fearless, you’re fashion and corporate-clueless. You’ve been out of college for a few years and are mentally reliving your days as keg-master while daydreaming at your desk. But it’s time to splash some water on your face and to throw a buttondown over your undershirt. There’s no such thing as “T-shirt Tuesday,” and deodorant isn’t an optional accessory. If you ever want your chance to dumb it down as a VP one day, you’re going to need to play the game for a bit: Now entering flip flop-free zone.

If you’re drinkin’ the Kool-Aid (the 30+ crowd)…

Wearing Sevens at your nine-to-five? Okay, while I’m glad to see that your jeans’ tag doesn’t read “Kirkland Signature,” I am curious as to where you found such ill-fitting designer jeans. It’s not just about the brand, dear, it’s about the fit. It’s casual Friday and you’ve dropped your 3-year-old off at daycare and are now heading into the office. Judging by the looks of things on the back of your shirt, she had oatmeal for breakfast. But what’s really concerning me is that you’re obviously prepared for a flood that no one on the Weather Channel has warned me about. Nice socks, by the way.

Office casual is The Man’s way of rewarding you for a job well done. He’s saying “Let down your hair! You’re not receiving that well-deserved raise you’ve been pestering me about, but for god’s sake, you can wear denim.” This is your moment to shine, not your moment to scare the overworked receptionist. Find a decent mirror and a critical friend who will unabashedly inform you that your lack of derriere is all too apparent in the jeans you’re wearing. Start dressing like you deserve a raise, not like you’re trying to raise eyebrows/your pant legs.

Regardless of your age and occupation, avoiding looking like a total tool bag needs to be on the priority list. It’s time to fan the flames of success – so light a match and throw your wardrobe on top of it. In the words of Flight of the Conchords, it’s business, it’s business time!

Related articles:

• Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, but Sex Sells
• Bankruptcy is the Fashion? Mervyns Fails to Declare its Style
• Enough with the Fluff! A Recession is No Time for Management B.S.

***

About the illustrator: Mark Armstrong is a designer, cartoonist and illustrator with over 20 years of experience. His work has appeared on numerous book covers and in the pages of Congress Daily, Incentive, and Inside Counsel magazines, to name a few.

A typical job hunting scene, give or take a few thousand years.

The market hasn’t been this brutal since the Greeks went shopping in downtown Troy. What few jobs arise get swarmed by hungry mobs, throwing elbows and slinging resumes for a shot at a steady paycheck. Even table-waiting gigs attract over 100 applicants each, while requiring multiple interviews, references and your first born all for the opportunity to say, “Would you like fries with that?”

Well, despair not, valiant readers: there’s a way to survive this chaos – and even emerge victorious…

Putting the Pro in Progress

The late great Hunter S. Thompson once said, “When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.” And, no, I’m not saying you should be weird. (DIFFERENT, yes, but weird – well, whatever gets you through the day.) The key word here is the last one: “pro.”

To get a good job in this hypercompetitive market, it no longer suffices to say you’re a “responsible hard-working self-driven results-oriented team player with strong communication and leadership skills capable of juggling multiple tasks simultaneously.” That’s kid’s stuff with enough clichés to choke a motivational speaker.

To get noticed in this environment, you need to portray yourself as who you really are: a professional.

Now you might be saying, “Wait, I’m still in school/just graduated, and I’m looking for ANY opportunity. Shouldn’t I just state that on my resume and cover letter?” Sure. And that guy with five years experience and a leaning tower of overdue student loans will thank you profusely for letting him have the job. In this economy, even industry veterans and cash-starved retirees are applying for – and getting – entry level positions, since tight-fisted employers want people who can do the job NOW, no training required.

That means professionals. And that should mean you.

By professional, I don’t mean a suit. Rather, by definition, a professional is someone who offers their services for pay, even if they’re still a student. Consider football player Reggie Bush, who took a few too many fringe benefits while playing at USC, and was deemed by the NCAA to be a professional even then. In fact, the NCAA considers the mere hiring of an agent the act of a professional, even if the player still hasn’t earned a dime.

So hear ye all current and recent college students: if you plan to earn money from what you do, go ahead and classify yourself as a professional now. While certain professions do require certification – lawyer, doctor, sushi chef – unless you’re filing legal briefs or hacking at raw tuna, in most cases you can claim to be a professional. (For the rest of you, get that certification already.) So picture what you want to do for a living, then on your cover letter and resume fill in the blank: “I’m a professional ___________.”

Now for the hard part…

Show, Don’t Just Tell

Of course, it’s not enough to just say, “Hey, I’m a pro, hire me.” You need to prove it with actions, not just words. “But hey, wise guy,” you might be saying. “Didn’t I just tell you I’m still in school? How can I show that I’m a pro?”

Glad you asked. Here are nine recommendations …

1. Make Yourself a Class Act: I read too many resumes in which the education section consists solely of a school name and degree. What happened to the actual work? In your resume, be sure to flaunt the expertise you acquired by listing your relevant classes (particularly the advanced ones) along with major papers or projects. Not only will those course names and paper titles build your credibility, they’ll also get noticed by computerized readers.

2. Get Real and Get Specific: Fill your resume with specific skills and activities related to your profession – none of that “responsible hard-working” blah blah blah. Describe specific projects with specific results, and list the names of executives and companies you worked with. Just keep in mind that the lowest-level skill on your resume, like typing, filing or answering phones, will overwhelm everything else, so unless you want to perform that task for the rest of your career, it’s better left unsaid.

3. Join Professional Organizations: Every profession has a chapter or association, if not locally than nationally or online. You can find many of these professional chapters on LinkedIn.com. (And since you’re a professional, you already have one wickedly robust LinkedIn profile, right?)

4. Write On: I know, I said actions, not just words, but “write” is my favorite verb when it comes to flaunting expertise. So get yourself a free blog at WordPress or Blogger and use it to express your views and theories on events and trends in your chosen profession. Don’t just report the news – expound upon it. If you can’t think of a topic, review relevant books and articles by other professionals in your field – i.e., your peers – which will also keep your knowledge updated and your critical skills sharp. Don’t worry about getting readers; they’ll come over time. Until then, those blog posts will prove what you know and attract search engines. They’ll also give you something to tweet about and share in your LinkedIn status updates.

5. Do It with a Nonprofit: Don’t have much real experience in your chosen profession? You could apply for an exploitative internship, which might be just as difficult to land as a real job. Here’s a better option: as long as you’re willing to work for free, offer to help a small nonprofit that needs professional assistance. Just remember to do what YOU want to do professionally, not interning or administrative tasks. You’ll gain experience with a credible organization that makes you look like a saint, you won’t feel like an indentured servant for not getting paid, and you’ll have an opportunity to mingle with the VIP’s on the board of directors.

6. Speak Up: For all the hype about networking opportunities at conferences and panels, the best results usually go to the speakers. So don’t just attend these events, offer to speak at them by contacting the organizers well in advance. Can’t find one you can speak at? Then organize a panel or conference with other ambitious professionals. Organizing the event alone will require application of your professional skills and stand out as an accomplishment on your resume. And you might even make money selling tickets or sponsorships.

7. Pull a Nike: Why wait for an opportunity to strut your stuff when you can just do it? Internet-based tools have made launching a business easier and less expensive, and home-based businesses are now widely accepted by customers. If starting an entire business seems too Herculean a challenge, then consider staging a short-term project, like an art show, concert, play, even a movie. L.A. is filled with creative people looking for professionals to handle the business side. You’ll learn from doing even if it’s a failure (indeed, failing is incredibly educational). For prospective employers, your venture says much more about your initiative than the words “I’m a self-starter.”

8. Teach: If you have an advanced degree, look for opportunities to guest lecture, teach a seminar, or lead an entire course at a community college, extension program, or even in a corporation. As I discovered, teaching provides immense credibility as you seek out clients and customers. It also provides networking opportunities. A few weeks ago I taught an introductory social media seminar at UCLA Extension, and three days later was meeting with one of the attendees about a possible venture.

9. Propose a Position: By the time a job ad hits the Internet, the company might already have a prospective hire in mind, and is just looking for additional applicants to satisfy Equal Opportunity Employment laws, or to increase their negotiating leverage with their potential hire. A true professional doesn’t wait for those ads to pop up:

• Do your research and networking to find a company that could use your expertise. Start-ups or companies who just landed funding are great targets.
• Identify the highest-level manager (usually a VP) in the department you want to work in.
• Send a letter (not email, but actual dead-wood material) to that manager proposing a position for you, describing how it would benefit the company, and explaining why you’re uniquely qualified to fulfill it.
• Propose starting out as a short-term consultant first.
• Don’t bother contacting HR – they don’t create positions; their job is to find reasons to reject people.
• Odds are, you might be ignored, so try multiple companies. There’s a good chance you’ll be kept on file and called up when they get their cards in order.

Your unsolicited proposal shows initiative and confidence, and it stands out far more than if you’re just 1 of 1000 applicants for an advertised position.

So there you have it: 9 ways to go all-pro. If you can enact at least 4 of these tactics, you’ll be further ahead than most people who call themselves professionals. If you do 5 or more, you could soon be in a position to hire other professionals. This being America 2010, you still might have to face elbow-throwing and resume-slinging, but ideally not for positions involving french fries.

***

This article previously appeared in The Antidote.

Related Article: Self Marketing 101: Ten Tips For Creating A Killer Resume

All hail the legendary progenitor of social media! (Photo by Jason "FishSpeaker" Pratt via Wikimedia Commons)

For decades, professional procrastinators relied on communal hydration technologies (i.e. water coolers) to support their best practices. Unfortunately, that particular tool maxed out bladder capacities, and even the dullest middle managers quickly learned that employees chatting while holding little paper cups weren’t exactly doing “work.”

Fortunately, Silicon Valley came to the rescue…

In the early part of this century, our nation’s brightest technologists and venture capitalists invested thousands of hours and millions of dollars to meet the critical global need for mingling. Social media was born, and professional procrastinators could now elevate their indolence to all new levels. In one fell tweet, they could now kill time while engaging in an activity that vaguely looked like work.

This new technology, however, did not come without risks. As some unlucky procrastinators discovered, using social media improperly could accidentally create “value” for their organizations. When improperly applied, social media could develop relationships with customers and even generate revenue. Consequently, some procrastinators were assigned extra hours to maximize returns on social media, which defeated the purpose while making it feel like work.

To prevent further mishaps, the National Association of Professional Procrastinators (NAPP) has issued the following guidelines for Social Notworking… (Note for students and the self-employed: “parents” or “spouse” can be substituted for “boss” below.)

1. Eliminate all professional references from your profile: When you create an account on any social medium, avoid mentioning your company, title, or areas of expertise. Just use your name and an amateur smiling photo of yourself or your dog. This prevents the hassle of receiving actual business contacts.

2. Focus on accumulating fans, friends and followers: The actual number of followers you attract is completely meaningless unless you convert them into customers or collaborators. However, bosses are impressed by numbers, so focus on attracting tens of thousands of followers. On Twitter, that can be achieved by simply following tens of thousands of other people. When anyone asks if your social media efforts are effective, proudly boast your follower count, and strategically ignore any critical thinker who responds, “So what?”

3. Follow all the actual experts in your field: If you follow real journalists, executives and specialists, you will look like a serious student of the field. Of course, you don’t need to actually read what they say. For social notworking, the only posts that matter are those telling you where your favorite lunch truck is parked.

4. Permit yourself only small talk: Engage in the kind of chatter that you would never email to a potential customer, employer or business associate. For example, describe what you had for breakfast, complain about the weather, state the errands you plan to run after work, root for your favorite sports teams, and post inspiring quotations. This prevents serious business conversations from arising. Of particular procrastinatory value are unnecessary niceties and empty flattery. Consider the following exchange:

“Thanks for following me!”
“Well, thanks for linking to that great article!”
“You’re welcome! I’m glad you enjoyed it!”
“Of course, it was great!”
“And thank you for sharing my link!”
“The pleasure was mine!”
“CUL8R!”
“U2! Great tweeting you!”

While such exchanges appear vacuous, you can explain to your boss that they constitute “developing relationships.”

5. Participate in trends: In case you run out of small talk, social mediums conveniently provide suggestions known as “trends.” Most of these trends consist of the kind of celebrity gossip and rumor mill grist that you’d find on the cover of a supermarket tabloid. Most people can’t get away with reading a tabloid as “work,” but reading “trends” counts as “keeping up with the market.” On YouTube, trends take the form of the hot videos of the day. On Facebook, they consist of anything anyone posts, particularly if they involve cute animals or crowds of people spontaneously breaking into choreographed dance routines in public.

6. Share several articles per day: To convey expertise without doing any actual research or analysis, share every article you find that’s even tangentially related to your industry or field. The best faux-expertise articles consist of lists (“Top 10 this” and “5 Ways to do That”). On Twitter, you can easily accomplish this by retweeting the actual experts you’re following. (Retweeting, by the way, also helps build relationships even though it takes less effort than scratching your ear.) In addition, online publications have facilitated professional procrastination by including “share this” or “retweet” buttons below every article. Of course, don’t waste time actually reading these articles — needlessly reading tedious articles is for PhD students.

Extra credit: Services like bit.ly count the clickthroughs to articles you shared, providing one more number to impress your boss.

Given the ever evolving ways to leverage social media for procrastination, we’re only scratching the surface here. Other topics include “Jargon Slinging to Justify Your MBA,” “Repeating Common Sense to Fake Profundity,” and “Foursquare, Video Games and other Wastes of Time that Unfortunately Look Like Wastes of Time” — but we haven’t gotten around to them yet. We plan to… someday… but hey, have you seen this video yet?

This article originally appeared in The Antidote.

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• Hypocritical Mass: The Big Lie About Twitter
• Words Of, Uh, Wisdom: How To Score More Twitter Followers
• Notes For A Screenplay: If Real Life Were Like Twitter
• Not Weird Science: Social Media In One Word
• Kevin “Nalts” Nalty: The Stupidest Article About Social Media Ever

I have few addictions, but I confess to loving me some bacon. I’ve tempered my addiction somewhat by subbing in turkey bacon, but that’s like seeking a buzz off light beer. It’s possible but hardly as satisfying.

Same thing goes for most e-newsletters. I think they’re going to be great, so I subscribe to a whole slew of them. Yet every morning the first thing I do when I check my email is delete almost every single one.

There’s a term for e-newsletters that we subscribe to but never read: “bacn” — which is a step above that other four-letter word, spam.

So what separates e-newsletters we read from bacn we don’t?

The good ones pull a Don Corleone and make us an offer we can’t refuse.

Take the following e-newsletter I just got from The Jared Company, a Blackberry application developer. I just bought my first Blackberry a few weeks ago, because I love being electronically leashed to my clients 24/7. And nowadays, no smartphone is complete without a load of apps on it. So I bought a few. Over the ensuing weeks, other app developers sent me updates and plugs for their other products, but JaredCo did something different: they made me like them.

The e-newsletter arrived with the subject heading, “Tether Your Blackberry: How To Guide.” And, yes, thank you, I would like to know how to hook my Blackberry up to my laptop to get Internet access. So in the midst of one of my early morning bacn purges, I actually stopped and clicked on one to find the following:

So what’s to like? First, there’s no phony attempt to address me by name — as 21st century consumers, we all know such “personalization” is computer generated. However, the newsletter is personal: written in the first person and first-person plural, while signed by an actual human being. Who’s Michael? No idea. His real name could be Akash Ramachandran for all it matters. But the point is that JaredCo knows it’s invading my e-mailbox, so it’s at least making a nod toward being personal. To top that off, Michael solicits feeback. Nice touch.

But all that social hocus-pocus would mean nothing if the newsletter didn’t have value, and this one does: a free PDF full of advice I want. Sure, it’s not a free iPad or chance to win a trip to the Bahamas, but it’s still useful. Better yet, there’s no commitment on my part — I don’t have to sign up for anything, enter a contest, or recommend a friend. I just click. And that click helps JaredCo measure the effectiveness of their campaign beyond a mere “open.” Yes, Michael, you got the attention of your customer and the desired action for your post-campaign analytics.

The PDF guide is also branded, with links back to the JaredCo site — nice integration. My only beef* is that the tethering guide was about PC’s, and I’m a Mac user. I guess they assumed most Apple fanboys have iPhones, but I’m one of those strange consumers who wants a phone with good reception. Go figure.

So after all that, I got left out. Sigh. But I was still impressed enough to blog about this bit of promotion. There’s nothing dazzling about it — this e-newsletter likely won’t hit the cover of AdAge or the pages of Mashable — it’s just smart marketing by a small company. Keep that up, and they’ll soon be a big company bringing home lots of the real good kind of bacon.

Update 7/15/10: I forwarded this blog post to Michael as an fyi, and within a few hours he sent me a link to a third-party article on how to tether my Mac. Nice. (And, yes, Michael is his real name.)

•••

Shameless plug: Want to create a corporate e-newsletter that doesn’t become bacn? Contact us…

*Sorry about all the meat references — it’s almost dinner.

OK, sometimes it's a bit of a stretch...

Looks like it’s over for us marketing strategists.

Now I’m not saying that there’s no more need for marketing strategy; if you look at the anemic brands of most banks, airlines and Web 2.0 startups, you’ll see that the need for marketing is growing faster than Rush Limbaugh at a cheesecake bake-off.

But the opportunity to develop a revolutionary new marketing strategy may have passed. Sure, we marketers can still develop new tactics based on new mediums and new markets, but the big picture strategies have apparently all been done. Even worse, they’re now being recycled…

This dawned on me while teaching competitive strategies in my integrated marketing course at UCLA Extension. Although I’m quoting different marketing experts and their theories, I found myself repeating the same ideas disguised as different metaphors.

For example, in the 1976 classic “Marketing Warfare,” Jack Trout & Al Ries recommended that “a good flanking move must be made into an uncontested area.” Nineteen years later, W. Chan Kim and Renee Mauborgne recommended the exact same strategy, but opted for a nature metaphor with their “Blue Ocean Strategy.” A couple of years after that, Marty Neumeier’s “Zag” tapped his design experience and recommended “look for the white space.” Three bestselling marketing books. Same basic idea. Different metaphors.

Then there’s the current reigning king of marketing metaphors, Seth Godin…

Godin is an extremely savvy marketer who’s cranked out an entire shelf of business bestsellers. His method? Devising wildly creative metaphors — sneezers, purple cows, meatball sundaes and big red fezzes — for basic marketing concepts. Three of his books extol the virtues of being “remarkable,” which is his way of saying “be good and different,” which is to marketing what “profit” is to financiers. Common sense stated in an uncommon way, resulting in millions of books sold. Godin is the Rachael Ray of business lit.

Since I found myself wading knee-deep in metaphors before a score of marketing students, I decided to show them how they, too, can contrive their own. I asked one student to pick an item, any item. He suggested a cheeseburger. (In these late night classes, food is always high on the mind.) And right there in class, the Cheeseburger POV (Proposition o’ Value) was born…

The Cheeseburger POV: The Exclusive Recipe…

Your basic American cheeseburger consists of a meat patty layered with cheese, an obligatory slice of lettuce, and a bun. And like a cheeseburger, a good value proposition is greater than the sum of its parts:

• The meat: This is the core product benefit, which is what consumers primarily want. In a car, that would be the drivetrain that takes them from point A to point B. But a drivetrain is not terribly exciting by itself, so…
• The cheese: You layer your core product with features like leather seats and a killer stereo and xenon headlights. The more cheese, the tastier the product, and the more you can skimp on the expensive meat.
• The lettuce: This is the token nod to nutrition that enables consumers to say, hey, we’re eating healthy! In marketing, this is the corporate social responsibility element that’s the trend du jour. Think of the hybrid technology used to greenwash an SUV.
• The bun: Then there’s the styling, design and other fluffy branding elements that hold it all together.

Just apply this Cheeseburger POV, and you’ll have a product that satisfies the consumer and commands a tasty margin. (Ever see what a hybrid SUV costs?) If you crave even more profit, just ask your customer if they want “fries with that” (an extended warranty). The Cheeseburger POV can help you sketch out an idea for anything from an ecommerce site to a coffee shop to an MBA program.

Now it’s your turn to pull a Godin…

Anyone can coin a marketing metaphor — go ahead, give it a shot here. To help you get started, I’ve posted a list of suggested terms below. What do you think they represent?

Bacon Bits
Dodo Birds
Shrubbery
Tabernacle Choirs
Lederhosen
Duct Tape
Baba Ghanoush
Spackle

Just take one of those, apply it to some basic concepts from a marketing textbook, and expand it to 200 pages (large type, lots of leading). Voila! — you’ve got the basis of a business bestseller. Easy, right?

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to concoct my own hit book — and find a late-night burger joint.

Related Articles:

• Meatball Sundaes and Cat Litter: Seth Godin’s Unappetizing Arguments
• The Young Professor: How To Get Published
• Marketing Mix-Up: Being Treated Like Lois Lane
• Not Exactly “Metafore!”: Politicians and Poetic License

Heart? Who needs a heart? I've got a great bottom line...

Some people just don’t get it.

I’m not talking about the willfully ignorant knuckle-draggers on the Texas State Board of Education. (They’re so beyond not getting it, they’ve gone full primordial.) I’m talking about the highly educated, wealth exuding finance execs who impersonated the Tin Man at a recent conference I attended…

The four of them — a VC, a banker, an angel investor, and an asset-based lender — explained how they help entrepreneurs finance their dreams. There was the usual spiel about due diligence, meticulous records, profitability, exit options, and their need as financiers to earn a significant ROI. Indeed, most of what they discussed centered on their needs and their business standards — with not a single word about worthy causes or making the world a better place.

So what — that’s business, right?

Except these financiers weren’t addressing just another meeting of profit-obsessed entrepreneurs. This was the Social Entrepreneurship Keynote Event 2010 held by the USC Marshall School of Business Alumni Association. Most of the 150 in attendance had paid to learn how they could make the world a better place through business — they wanted to change the world, not just count change.

Even the conference lunch had been provided by an all-nautral, organic, eco-conscious caterer, Paleta, which included a flyer stating that “we can enjoy the fruits of our planet while still preserving our resources for future generations. To this end, we have proudly built the first green kitchen in SoCal complete with our own greenhouse.”

Yet somehow, despite all the conference literature proclaiming “social entrepreneurship” — the printed program featured a cover illustration of hands cradling the globe and the words “corporate social responsibility” — the finance guys seemed to miss the point of the entire event.

Some Do Get It…

Just a few hours before these finance troopers took the stage, the high priestess of progressive media, Arianna Huffington, had regaled and inspired the audience to “reinvent capitalism.” She underscored her firm belief in private enterprise — that capitalism is the best system ever invented — then added that she doesn’t believe it exists in America, where the forces of the status quo and their lobbyists now dominate public policy and the markets. She then extolled Alfred Marshall’s “economic chivalry” and the value of empathy for the survival of both business and society. She concluded by inviting all attendees to blog for her new cause-oriented site Huffpost Impact.

The finance guys on stage must have completely missed Ms. Huffington — “Arianna who?” They also apparently missed conference honoree Adlai Wertman, a successful investment banker who later launched the nonprofit organization Chrysalis to employ the homeless, and who now heads the Society and Business Lab at USC. Professor Wertman defined social entrepreneurship as “the creation of new business models that manage multiple missions,” not just generating a profit.

But the way the financiers spoke of profit, you’d think it was spelled p-r-o-p-h-e-t.

And Their World Keeps on Spinning…

An audience member thanked the financiers for taking their time to share their insights — then asked what it all had to do with social entrepreneurship. The guys were caught completely off-guard, reminding me of Sarah Palin’s reaction when asked what newspapers and magazines she reads. Being seasoned executives, they entered spin mode. “We’re creating jobs,” one of them repeated several times, not mentioning whether those jobs were in the U.S., a Chinese sweatshop, or their own assistant ranks. Another twice said, “We don’t discriminate. We look at all business opportunities.” That made me wonder if he would invest in clearcutting the Amazon if the indigenous peoples would swap their trees for cigarettes and booze.

We’re talking business options here, comrade, not gender or race: you better discriminate.

Now, I’ll give the banker a break. He worked with the Small Business Administration and had to abide by their mandates, which stipulates only ventures that create jobs in America. Even so, I was hoping he’d at least offer lower interest rates to entrepreneurs hoping to do good in addition to doing well. Instead, his mantra was, “We have to get repaid.” I think I heard that line once on “The Sopranos.”

Fortunately, the crowd didn’t let ‘em get away with it. One articulate young women pressed them on the values issue, which they again dodged by mentioning “jobs” and “no discrimination.” Then, having brought the conference’s soaring spirit of benevolence and possibilities crashing back to earth, the tin men quickly made their getaway.

Reality Bites — in a Good Way…

In a sense, this was great. This stunning splash of business frigidity had reminded the collected entrepreneurs and students that the forces of greed were everywhere and nearly impossible to sway. The finance guys also helped dispel some of the naiveté that often rises from these “anything is possible if you set your mind to it” conferences. Reinventing capitalism is not going to be easy.

The indignation incited by the financiers also stirred the audience from their post-lunch lull. (If you can fire up a food-comatose crowd despite all the finance jargon you can throw at them, you know you’ve hit a nerve.) And that was great for me, because I was speaking next.

I was part of a three-person marketing panel. You could tell we were marketers because our presentation was irreverent, loud and the only one backed by a PowerPoint presentation. Tracy Williams, who runs the PR firm Olmstead Williams Communications, discussed the value of corporate social responsibility. Michael Miller, Director of Operations of CFO 911 Solutions, offered case studies in green marketing.

I decided to talk about critical needs and mistakes in social entrepreneurship:

• Marketing is not an afterthought: I meet too many entrepreneurs who tell me “they’re not ready to do marketing yet.” They have the common misconception that “marketing” means “advertising” when, in fact, marketing touches all aspects of their business, including the product, pricing, place of business, and — yes — commercial promotions. The truth is, if they’ve named their business, they’ve already done marketing. If they’ve decided where to locate their operations, they’ve done marketing. If they’ve had business cards printed, they’ve done marketing. However, if they did all those things without strategically considering their customers, competitors, community (of particular importance to a social entrepreneur) and their company brand, then they haven’t been doing it correctly. This could cause significant problems down the road — or even right out of the starting gates.

• Good intentions only go so far: There’s this idealistic notion that customers will beat a path to your door if you’re doing something good, whether it’s organic or fair trade or donating profits to charity. Unfortunately, customers often have other overriding needs. While they might want to do good and support great causes, sometimes what they really want is a low price. I cited a startup garment factory in L.A. that mistakenly believed it would generate endless business from “Made in the USA” enthusiasts, only to discover that, in business, patriotism often only goes so far as flag waving. In fact, some people will even have their flag made in China if they can get a good price for it. So I advised that factory owner to emphasize other benefits from being local: quick turnaround, lack of import hassles, and client ability to readily inspect their orders and the factory’s working conditions. In general, social entrepreneurs should certainly tout their values and missions, but they also need to put their customer benefits front and center.

• Too much too soon: In their well-intentioned zeal, some social entrepreneurs try to do too much before establishing their brand or their business model. I told the story of Nau clothing, which launched with every good intention and noble practice — including donating 5% of their sales to nonprofits. But Nau was on a crash course, and would have disappeared from existence had it not been bought out by a larger, more moderate company that tempered some of its benevolence. I then quoted the late great USC business professor James Stancill, who taught me that no matter what kind of business you run, the three most important keys to survival are cash flow, cash flow, cash flow. Referring to the earlier panel, I added that the finance gods often have to be fed first.

• Come together right now: I also emphasized the need to collaborate, particularly for ventures with small budgets and little brand recognition. Collaborating (as I discussed in an earlier post) helps organizations share costs, customers, brand equity and risk, while feeding more human needs, such as romance and beer (not necessarily in that order). I also mentioned that a for-profit venture might be better off partnering with a nonprofit rather than trying to duplicate its efforts. The nonprofit offers experience and expertise, which enables the entrepreneur to focus on the business.

• Make it personal: A social venture is an act of passion, and that should be reflected in the company brand. I pointed out that a brand isn’t a logo, that it’s the company’s visual image, personality and reputation rolled into one impression. A strong, differentiated brand helps prevent competitors from copying your every move and stealing your customers. I suggested that one of the best sources of differentiation is the person they see every morning in the mirror, and that they shouldn’t hesitate to put their passions and personalities into their businesses.

• Social media has costs: Finally, I picked on — I mean, picked up one of my favorite subjects, the overhyped offerings of social media. Many underfunded entrepreneurs understandably rely on free social media for all their self-promotion. While the likes of Twitter and Facebook and Flickr may be free and easy, they usually require a huge investment of time before delivering significant followings and business — and there’s no guarantee that they’ll ever deliver. Furthermore, while entrepreneurs are busy tweeting and friending, posting and following, they might miss out on real-world opportunities and connections, such as potential clients and investors at conferences. In the end, the entrepreneur might find that old-fashioned advertising would have been less costly and demanding.

So, yes, I also decided to splash a little reality on the proceedings — but for a worthy cause. I studied social entrepreneurship in business school and taught it at Antioch University, because I see social entrepreneurship as the primary source of positive change — and jobs — in our time. My objective is to help aspiring social entrepreneurs avoid common mistakes, ultimately fulfill their multiple missions, and triumphantly say “no thanks” to old-school capitalists who just don’t get it.

Related Articles:

• Pour It On: Putting the “Fun” in Charity Fundraising
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Shameless Plug: If you’re a social entrepreneur who needs marketing assistance and services, please contact us.